imaginatively metamorphosed

white, black and everything in between..

2009-08-24T19:05:00.000+08:00

I am fustrated.

Ed* and Gabby* have issues and they just work them out and move on.
meanwhile i still find myself struggling to trust people around me.

and then what?
through blind dumb luck he gets everything just like that.
i dont want to begrudge him his good fortune, but shit just
comes so easy to him. he never has to work for anything.

and i try not to fault him for it. good for him.
but it just throws into contrast how little
ive got to show for my life.

Cunts!

just when i think its all barred..

2009-08-02T03:00:00.003+08:00

there is one thing, matter of fact its the only thing that im clinging on to my 'social network' has also been blocked by the servers of PRC and i have no full access to it.

Facebook has been the only thing that kept me 'close' to my family and friends but lately i can only view but not post/comment pictures and other people`s comment whatsoever. i cant even post up pictures, cant view friends, cant add friends, cant anything but only able to view through a proxy website which feels like reading a book without my glasses. or a better metaphor.. having virtual sex. you get the idea but thats all you get out of it.

..which leaves me high and dry. and im blogging thru a proxy server too, fyi. In mainland, i got no direct access to facebook (view only), blogs (lucky only need to view) and youtube (view also cannot coz the stupid java script shits).

Being in China is so bored and stressful with work at the same time. Luckily i just had the longest best 27 days this year, relaxing back in Malaysia last month. It was awesome, it was better than awesome, its fucking awesome. For once i hardly work, i wake up late, have brunch with friends and best of all, good food. I was pampered to the point where tears almost weep through my eyes. I had a 2 full page list of foods-to-eat and i cleared 95% of it, and some even doubled.

This trip, i managed to;

1 - attend my best friends wedding
2 - delivered my speech
3 - quality time with close ones
4 - ate all the good food i can think of
5 - catch up with close friends
6 - catch up with nieces and nephew in Singapore
7 - attend my sister`s wedding
8 - attend another 2 more old friends wedding
9 - play a good game of futsal
10 - just relax like how a holiday would actually feel like
11 - spring cleaned my klang house
12 - catch up with my Mum, my real mum
13 - get some personal issues done
14 - watched Transformers, in a cinema!
15 - watched Ice Age, in 3D, in a cinema, on a date, in Singapore, with a flu!

All this while, i cant find one good reason to go back to Malaysia ever again (after all the shits that has happened throughout my life) but after this trip, i just need to step back more and look at the bigger picture coz all i need is a few close friends to make a big difference.

i didnt know..

2009-07-23T15:36:00.000+08:00

that coming back to Malaysia can be so much fun!

summer

2009-05-09T13:01:00.004+08:00

there is a few things i love about summer.

- only tee shirt and shorts all day.
- commando is the way to go
- i can wear sunnies all day long.
- seeing kids running around with ice cream dripping across the floor.
- hot, hot girls with skimpy clothes.
- cold cold beer served everywhere.
- my leg not pain during summer.
- taking pictures during summer is awesome.
- i have more excuse not to work due to 'headache'.

now the only thing i need is a beach getaway. and a few good friends in between.

is in a very foul mood..

2009-05-06T13:19:00.000+08:00

..coz i lost my ipod.

justin`s wishlist number 157

2009-05-03T19:17:00.002+08:00

owned a Mini Cooper.

is in search for The One..

2009-04-27T22:56:00.002+08:00

On my 100th post, i wanna share some rather more private & intimate details with you.

I`ve been keeping my options wide. Some stayed, some come and go, some just came and doesnt wanna go. I have been dating for quite some time, simultaneously and yet it still cant match my descriptions.

The current one that i`m seeing now, she`s great but it`s the smaller details...

1 - I like her to manja me from time to time, but she manja`s all the time.

2 - She like to hold hold hands when going out, but i like to hold my phone more.

3 - I prefer when she stroke the back of my hair whilst watching tv, but she does that more when im working from home, sending emails just to distract me from something else.

4 - i like it when she calls me on random and ask me what im doing. She tak layan.

5 - I love coffee, and she likes to drink from my cup. I dont like.

6 - I like to rest my head on her lap. She likes to rest on mine.

7 - I like to nibble the ear and neck. She dont like.

8 - She always misplaced her phone. I hate to look for phones.

9 - She likes to look thorough my phone details. I like the insecurity.

10 - I like to cook, she likes to eat but doesnt want to do the dishes.

11 - Im very very particular, she`s the total opposite.

12 - She like to club. sigh.

13 - She read magazines. I read hers. She dont like.

14 - i read novels. I make her read novels. also she dont like.

15 - We both like to sleep on the left side of the bed.

16 - She likes her M&M`s mixed!

17 - Im a morning person, she sleep in the morning.

18 - I got no problems with authority. She does!

19 - She likes me formal. I like my jeans and pasar malan tee.

20 - I like her short hair. Her`s panjang manjang.

21 - She already told me that she love me. I stammered.

22 - She dont let me drive her Bentley.

Fug me. Im picky!

The Reign of Justin - episode one

2009-04-19T11:14:00.004+08:00

Katrina - you are lucky number one.

its about time i step back into the single`s market again and deliver what everyone has been expecting.

tonight, imma use the Dolce&Gabbana suit.

..is so bored here

2009-04-10T17:30:00.001+08:00

...while my best friend is rolling around on Versace bedsheet! fugken hell..

today: content

2009-04-06T18:25:00.003+08:00

i feel funny today. i feel delicate. i feel idle. i feel all alone, in a country filled with strangers. i am not sad and i cant find one good reason to feel happy. no matter where i am now, where i`ll be tomorrow, or where im going to be in the future.. im just a person living in a suitcase. someone once told me that im emotionless, a person without expression. that im weird. i act weird. talk weird. i miss those days. least back then there was actually someone that noticed me.

today.. im soulless.

a fool`s fooled?

2009-04-01T21:39:00.004+08:00

Today, of all days i got to make a decision that i could hardly resist.

It all started with a bright, cool breezy almost perfect day. I was as usual with my hoodie, signature 2B pencil parked on my left ear and holding one too many files, one leg kicking.. until i was called in for a meeting by both China and Australia bosses.

Everything was going well, talked about work stuff then out of the sudden, they told me that i got promoted, sort of... again. I am now currently the sales manager, marketing manager and the new addition; brand manager. How...the fug did that just happened? How the fug am i supposed to juggle all of them, at the same bloody time? Now i am not just a manager, I'm the manager.

The title is getting too much, the workload is as much as the title sounds.

Fine. I think i can handle a little bit of a challenge.. but;

with this position comes big sacrifice, which means i have to renew my contract (by the way is due this June) for another couple more years.
because of the above, i can`t go back to Melbourne, as planned. According to boss, i have to put that thought on hold for the time being.
my best friend is gonna be so heartbroken.
i is gonna be so heartbroken, literally.

The tricky part of all this is;

if i did good in this position, means it gives me less chance to get back to Australia;
but if i fug this up, they might have the impression that I'm incompetent, maybe fired;
if i do it for the sake of job wise, i don't get satisfaction of feeling good coz I'm a perfectionist!

but the only good side of it is;

more salary.
that's about it..

and the down side..

stay back, living in this horrible country, all alone.
2/3 time spent on work
bored
all of the above, again and again.

I should have rejected this position when i had the chance to, but the temptation of being in control. Argh darn, i just got sucked into the world full of conspiracies.

I think i deserve a drink to myself, to congratulate, drown my sorrows away and cry myself to bed again at the same time.

I feel like shit and this is the saddest day of my life and i wish it was all just a prank on April Fool`s Day.

Question of the day: What would you do?

By the way, did i mentioned that im a junior graphic designer for wheels as well. fugken awesome!

the reason.

2009-03-29T20:41:00.001+08:00

i`ve never should have let you let me go.

i already told you im a straight forward person..

2009-03-21T17:21:00.003+08:00

someone lit my candle..

2009-03-19T14:42:00.001+08:00

my speech

2009-03-08T18:38:00.002+08:00

Today is one of my happiest and saddest day. Its my best friend marrying my other best friend and i am at to the other corner of the world, in the office, typing this. I hate not to be there to see everything, to hold her hand and tell her that im proud of her and im really happy for her. I know i never said this out loud before but i love you very much. everyone of you there. I miss all of you so much my heart aches.

Not being able to be there for her feels like ive failed being her best friend, and the worse part of all, i feel so bad i got no one to point my fingers at. Here is the speech ive prepared since last year..

"First of all, i would like to take this opportunity to thank the NG and Law family for everything. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Justin, one of Racheal’s closest friends for over 15 years, usually a partner in crime.

Anyway, we have been friends since primary school.

Racheal and I have done many things together during our almost life-long friendship. Over the years we practically do the same thing together, we've even tried to skip school, tried to pick up girls together..

She likes to hurt, make jokes and laugh at you then tease you whenever she can.

Ever since i knew her, she`s been giving me nothing but headaches.

And that is why i had to introduce her to Adrian because he has the highest tolerance level than anyone else I’ve known and i think she is the luckiest person to have Adrian as her other half.

He takes all her punching, kicking, nagging, yelling and all without a single complain.I sometimes wonder why.

I can’t complain because she cooks good food for me.

They’ve now been together for a very long time, and I can’t think of a single couple more perfect for each other.

She brings out the good side in him, which takes a lot of effort; and Adrian, you`ve seen her worst, and you survived.

Now i would like to invite you all to be upstanding, raise you glasses and join me in a toast to Racheal and Adrian, because I think they were made for each other.

Ladies and Gentlemen: a toast to the bride and groom"

just when im running out of things to do..

2009-02-15T03:06:00.002+08:00

how more bored can i get?

happy valentine`s..

2009-02-14T23:42:00.004+08:00

dedicating this to the most influential person in my life.

'All you need is love' - John Lennon.

donch..

2009-02-13T21:38:00.004+08:00

my PMS bestie is under a lot of stress with her wedding prep dateline...

and all she said was...

DONCH! whatever you`re thinking...donch...zip it!

here`s a few boys to to help you out while im away...

oh oh..

2009-02-12T20:09:00.002+08:00

apparently, someone had pressed on the wrong button.... the muthafugken PMS button!

its always harder with words..

2009-02-10T12:13:00.006+08:00

At times I felt that my heart has been crushed, again and again coz of the choices ive made in the past. And it has been way too long to keep it inside. A stranger recently I met in a park asked me ‘Did you made the right choice to be standing where you are right now?’

Smirk. That’s all I can come out with. To choose between something really important and something that could have been equally important at that time doesn’t really help when you didn’t take a few steps back to see the bigger picture.

I chose number two. Which at that time seems to be the right choice. I want to express how I felt with the decisions ive made but it seems that this is another chapter of my life I will have to bring along to my grave.

If only there is the slightest chance to make it up to you…

I am very sorry. Very, very sorry, my friend.

hard-working, working-hard or just plain hard work?

2009-02-06T18:37:00.000+08:00

hen`s night-mare?

2009-02-04T01:04:00.002+08:00

the closest i can get into the festive season..

2009-02-02T16:34:00.001+08:00

balancing out priorities..

2009-02-02T15:49:00.003+08:00

when its time to play, you play..when its time to work, you work la..

just when the night gets darker...

2009-02-01T19:38:00.002+08:00

everything kara-okay?

2009-01-31T13:48:00.003+08:00

chinese new year..

2009-01-30T17:00:00.002+08:00

fools got punk`ed..

2009-01-30T16:51:00.002+08:00

got fooled by fools....

2009-01-30T16:49:00.000+08:00

facebook too?!?!

2009-01-29T23:23:00.004+08:00

you gotta be fugken kidding me.......

Windows Live Messenger?

2009-01-29T23:10:00.002+08:00

whats next? facebook?

still plan D..

2009-01-29T21:40:00.002+08:00

or does is sound more like Ultimate Getaway Nap instead??

plan D..

2009-01-29T21:37:00.002+08:00

one for the ultimate Getaway Map... away from my best friend that bitch-clubbed me..

plan C..

2009-01-29T21:08:00.002+08:00

i had to lay low and try to figure out how am i going to deal with this shit..

first i have to change......but to which? hmm........ the red one? or the other red one?

plan B..

2009-01-29T20:49:00.001+08:00

i need to get away somehow...one way or another... *winks*

plan A..

2009-01-29T20:30:00.002+08:00

me: hey lemme out bitch!
accomplice: she`s not around, went shopping..
me: i need to use the loo. ill do anything you want. *winks*
accomplice: anything?
me: yes.

dont judge me. sex sells!

trapped..

2009-01-29T20:17:00.005+08:00

..in a metal box and i got no idea where am i. desperately trying to get out..

ive got bitch-clubbed..

2009-01-29T19:58:00.004+08:00

by my best friend!

suprise suprise...

2009-01-29T19:56:00.002+08:00

S.O.S

2009-01-29T03:02:00.004+08:00

my mind was no where near sane.. and i was trying to get help. i think im going to call X. all those alcohol isnt helping at all....or maybe it did?

thanks to it, i have double vision. i can neither drunk dail X or call for help.

undecided..

2009-01-29T02:54:00.003+08:00

so i had to go a quieter place to think and get myself together before i lose my mind, again...

the pounding from the excessive booze intake hits the spot.. i need help..

how now brown cow?

2009-01-29T02:45:00.004+08:00

as i was having my juice, i was contemplating whether to let things go the way it is.. or try to make things right for the last time...

undecided; my heart? my instinct? timing? yes? no? dont know? maybe my best friend is right all this while?

and then i spotted a place to think...

2009-01-29T02:40:00.002+08:00

i knew i had to go away...

2009-01-29T02:30:00.002+08:00

where? i dont know. why? i dont know....

and the journey begins..

2009-01-28T20:39:00.003+08:00

to go or not to go?

2009-01-28T19:33:00.002+08:00

detour

2009-01-28T18:43:00.003+08:00

ah....what the hell, right?

its tough getting older..

2009-01-27T22:27:00.002+08:00

I always thought I knew where I’d want to go but now I find that things are getting colder, older.. yesterday, my best friend knocked some sense into me and I came to realize that what lies down the road for me if I choose the other route instead.

looks like there`s only one way...or is it?

Happy Chinese New Year

2009-01-26T20:33:00.002+08:00

the reason i miss klang so much..

2009-01-22T11:37:00.002+08:00

just-in says:
whoa, you got msn dey!
Kc says:
you got money bo?
just-in says:
...........
Kc says:
no money to cny
can rent bo?
just-in says:
haha if i got money, i become boss liao lo
no need work de
Kc says:
fuck u lar
just-in says:
why you need money for?
Kc says:
niao
just-in says:
niao lu eh cheebye
Kc says:
buy cny cloth
just-in says:
hahahaha
Kc says:
wat also no have
just-in says:
no need la most important pocket got money
clothes not important
Kc says:
the problem i pocket also no money
bolo 500 lai
give u back at march 8
just-in says:
you think lim peh backside print money ka
no hap la
Kc says:
niau lar
Kc says:
kia i cant give back la
just-in says:
no la i boh lui leh
Kc says:
i understand la
just-in says:
if got sure will borrow wan
Kc says:
nvm lar....i understand my sef poor and every time gif ppl look down
biasa edi
just-in says:
chaucheebye i didnt say that also!
Kc says:
kidding lar
test u
just-in says:
test lan
Kc says:
i just want see with frenz can fuck mar
hahahaha
just-in says:
fug you.. can?

..the reasons why i am still single

2009-01-20T21:54:00.004+08:00

continues..

"you`re driving your car and you feel frighten a little bit as we bumped up against that feeling as much, we try to push that limit further and get comfortable there.... and then push it again, so you`re constantly on the brick of crashing.. coz thats the fastest."

that is how i feel when i was in my last relationship. its like you`re doing just fine, or probably better than the last but you want to go the extra mile but you dont know whether its a good or bad thing coz of all the adrenaline rush when you are in love.

living on the edge is exciting, but the whole idea of wondering the nights away is mentally exhausting, tiring. all those sleepless nights transformed me, for better or for worse, i dont really know, but one thing for sure, i want to experience love again. but this time, im not going over the limit. *godspeed*

just when you think you`re at the top..

2009-01-19T10:59:00.004+08:00

RE: just a friendly reminder that they didnt name us RED DEVILS for nothing..

p/s: dont worry, we`ll never let you walk alone.

0000000000000OOOOOOOOOOOO0O0O0O0O0O0O0Oo0O0oO0O0OooOooOoOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.........................

after so long still like that...

2009-01-15T13:35:00.003+08:00

NOOOOOOOOOooooooOOoooOooOOOOOoOOooooooooooooooo.......

one of those days..

2009-01-14T14:39:00.003+08:00

spent all my time waiting for that second chance, wondering what it`ll be on the other end.

today its the 9th year since my dad left and time does flies when you come to think about the things that happened around you...or i should say things that didnt happen, its undeniably painful to look back every now and then and there`s always some reason to feel not good enough.

..the things i would give up just to let you know what i`ve achieved today.

the reasons why i am still single..

2009-01-10T09:45:00.002+08:00

just when i think that the relationship isnt that serious;

in the beginning, i always find myself in a brand new relationship, just dating and i really like the girl but im not sure if i want to be exclusive. while im out there dating or talking to a couple of other girls to make sure she's the right one for me, she could be doing the same thing!

unfortunately, women get hit on almost everyday, it could just be for sex or whatever the circumstance, but they get attention out there no matter what they look like-there is always someone who is willing to get in their pants.

I think im not quite ready to settle down as i go from one woman to the next, im just wasting time on the girls i dont really like instead of investing time in the one i really want.

to be continued..

Christmas Postponed

2008-12-25T09:04:00.002+08:00

Last year, i was exchanging gifts but this year i am only exchanging emails, on Christmas Day. So, i think im just going to skip this year`s and celebrate it altogether next year. I am sitting in my cubicle and i dont know what to do and i think there is nothing much i can do, since its a festive season for all ang moh`s, which so happens to be on my sales territories that celebrates Christmas.. hence im writing this shit. Ah well... I guess this is going to be the last post for 2008, which turned out not to be a bad year after all.

this year, i....

2008-12-18T13:18:00.003+08:00

.. quit cigarettes
.. managed to control my alcohol intakes
.. didn't gain weight at all, just like any other miserable years
.. kept my hair short all year long
.. tried going on dates, multiple
.. tried getting out of multiple dates

... i think i`ve done good. enough.

ATTENTION

2008-11-28T04:24:00.001+08:00

pictures will be officially be posted on Facebook starting now.

12 hours from now...

2008-11-24T19:32:00.003+08:00

she is flying back and we are going to have some 'sexy-time'.....

she can use my 'lens' for her 'camera'... if you know what i mean.
then together gether get 'flash'... if you know what i mean.
get into my 'mini' and take some 'pictures'... if you know what i mean.
pictures of 'machines'..in the 'workshop'... if you know what i mean.
all the 'grinding' and 'hammering' and 'welding'... if you know what i mean.
the outcome should be 'satisfiying'.. if you know what i mean.

'just when i think' moments...

2008-11-23T18:54:00.002+08:00

its not fair when you cant deal with the fact that i can deal with the fact.

....and i meant every single word of it.

how does it feel like being a leftie..

2008-11-17T18:26:00.000+08:00

The left side is often associated with awkwardness and clumsiness, besides faggot, no other leftie i know is clumsy. teehee..

In ancient China, the left has been the "bad" side. The adjective "left"means "improper". For instance, the phrase "left path" stands for illegal or immoral means. that explains why my grandma always hit me with a chopstick everytime i eat.

things i hate being a leftie..

paintball guns; the reason i didnt pick up this sport, it didnt feel rightwhen i rest the gun on my shoulder. plus, needing to wear the head gearwhich requires me to use contact lens to get my eye sight is a big 'NO'.

golf clubs; fugken swings. no matter how hard i try, it just feels weird taking the shot,and getting a left-handed set and stand on the opposite direction with everyone elsemakes it weird-er.
knife; if you cook a lot, you notice some bloody knife is for right-handed people. when you slice, it feels like you`re grinding through a block of rubber and the stuff willend up looking like minced meat rather than thin sliced.

mouse; computer was introduced back in the 90`s where i need to cross my hands to use thekeyboard and mouse coz the mouse cord is too short to pull over to my left hand, and if you noticed,all of the computer shop arranged the mouse on the right side and the pattern fits onto your right.initially, i wanted to make a difference but only to realised that there is no left handed mouse in the market back then.

scissors; pain in the arse. you all right handers try cutting using your left hand, or go buy aleft hand scissors and try cutting it with your right hand! fugkas...

writing; the worst of all muthafugkas.. since young, i used to waste a lot of books when i write cozi never fill it up fully in writing coz i need to leave a few space for my hand to rest down the bookto start writing coz the binding on the book always get into my way. if i dont, it will fug up my writing,making it look like a 3 year old trying real hard to write something. did cross my mind that if i lift my hands up a little, it might help but it ended up even worse, its like trying to write using my leg instead.and not to mention leaving the smeared smudge as you are writing, stamping your ink over the alreadywritten words, making it extremely difficult to read. and sometimes, as you are writing, you need to liftyour hand to recall what you have wrote to make sure your answer still relates to the question. lastly, ifyou`re a full time leftie, wearing a nice watch while writing is not a very good idea. trust me..

only put my right hand to good use when i wipe my ass with it..... ooooooooooooooooooo

randomly bored..

2008-11-13T19:41:00.002+08:00

just when i think its just a chapter of my life..

2008-11-06T15:06:00.000+08:00

whats next? that is the question that has been playing in my mind lately. my 5-year-plan is coming to an end and ive crossed out most of it but yet i feel hollow. should i plan for my next 5 years or stay low and go with the flow? they say life`s a challenge but who/what am i challenging at? myself? what the fug for? why the fug for? in the end of the day, i am the one, the only one that is going to judge. at this very moment, i am ideally a catch but there is no one catching. im like a dog chasing my own tail, running in circles.. so eager for that bite and once i get it, there is no satisfaction but to let it go and wonder how long is this has to go on.

i so want to find my true self but dont want to know once im there. what difference does it make anymore? how many 5 years more i got to plan? how many 5 years im going to have?

im in a stage where i dont know where i belong, an outcast, in my own world. i love Malaysia but i dont want to be stuck here forever. im in love with Melbourne but do i belong there in the first place? i want to go around the world but how long is it going to take me to settle down? i want to settle down, have kids, spend quality time with my other half, cook for them, see my kids grow up.

where? when? how? who?

who am i going to turn to when im at a crossroad? what am i going to do? who is going to give me advise? is my every decision right? what if im wrong? who is going to be there in the end of the day and tell me "i told you so"?

if i had one wish.. i would like to have lunch with my dad. just lunch. just once. i would trade everything i have for this.

just when i thought there is no one left for me to cry over for.. as much as i hate to say this, at times i want to be so wrong and have someone to turn to. i know lifes never fair but why the fuck shits always happen on me? i am already struggling to survive being alone. its not fair you left me just like that and let me bear it all this by myself.. how much more i got to give in order to get back in return?

ive learn almost every damm thing the hard way.. for one fugken time, just once... please.. let me have all this and i`d die happily. its good to be emotional and break down once in a while.

today`s special

2008-11-04T20:56:00.004+08:00

celebrated halloween with my Nikon

2008-10-31T11:52:00.007+08:00

woke up today and i feel like...

2008-10-30T18:12:00.003+08:00

i want to give up my job and pick up cooking. Yes/No?

first shots

2008-10-28T16:32:00.005+08:00

My New Love......

2008-10-09T20:48:00.003+08:00

new place, new life, new lover....... ppffttt............

This is the main reason i was missing in action lately.

sun, sea, sand and kids.

2008-09-15T12:23:00.006+08:00

Went to Cherating with the kids last weekend and it was tiring, but satisfying to handle 13 kids running around the beach and for the first time in my life, i let myself go completely and just have some fun and the weekend away from electronics, emails and facebook. i`d even leave my phone in the resort. but there was no breath-taking moments, its just what everyone else normally does. sit under the tree, dip in the water, beach soccer, ATV-ing and kayaking.

the kids mostly run around the beach and jump into the water once in a while. in order to improve their maths, i`d carry one by one into the water and give them questions where if they cant answer or answer wrongly, i`ll take a long dip into the water. then went beach-walking with the girls to collect some sea shells in the evenings. you know, all this while i know i liked kids but i didnt know i am good with them.

i think all the kids and volunteers shit in their pants when i went topless. the tattoo on the back was still okay but i think the one on my arm that freaked them. maybe that`s why they listened to me.

on the second night, we had barbeque by the beach and campfire accompanied with guitars, sing alongs and alcohol for the adults nonetheless. i loved it, the kids loved it. then i stayed back till dawn to see the sunrise, dazing away thinking and having those "what if.." moments which almost took my breath away when i was swinging on the hammock until i was ambushed by the little rascals and flipped my over from behind, slapping me back to reality where sand went in my mouth, ass and balls; exactly how reality feels like... itchy, uncomfortable and fustrated.

the 'bright' side.

2008-09-08T16:55:00.001+08:00

i am a....

ambitious
argumentative
brilliant
broad-minded
businesslike
capable
careful
cautious
charming
cheerful
clear-thinking
clever
competitive
confident
conservative
considerate
consistent
cool
co-operative
determined
easygoing
efficient
emotional
energetic
fair-minded
far-sighted
firm
flexible
forgiving
frank
friendly
generous
gentle
helpful
honest
humorous
imaginative
independent
intellectual
intelligent
kind
light-hearted
likeable
logical
loyal
mature
mild
moderate
modest
motivated
natural
obliging
open-minded
opportunistic
optimistic
organised
original
outgoing
patient
pleasant
polite
practical
progressive
quick
rational
realistic
reflective
relaxed
reliable
resourceful
responsible
self-confident
self-controlled
sensible
sensitive
serious
sharp-witted
sincere
sociable
spontaneous
stable
steady
strong-minded
supportive
thoughtful
tolerant
tough
trustworthy
unassuming
understanding

...kind of person.

just when you think you are vain..

2008-09-06T15:07:00.004+08:00

So far, this has been a non productive year and there isn`t much highlights in my life..

On top of my head..i`ve tried;

- eating weird delicacies.

- been to China. nuff said.

- dating?

- to relax like everyone else.

- went all the way to Singapore just to cheer emmy up.

- stay awake for 72 hours straight.

- spending hours to dress up for a nightout.

- been sober.

- quitting smoking.... still trying. (note: tried)

- tutoring for the homeless.

- went for haircut twice a month.

... and i just discovered that i love myself so much i am telling people that i love myself to people that love themselves as much as i love myself too!

Bow chicah bow bow...................... wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaaa

i have been classified as obsessive-compulsive disorder.

2008-09-04T03:59:00.005+08:00

i like to clean stuff. once i start cleaning, i keep going on and on and on...
i plan too much.
sometimes, im undecided, on food, on clothes and on where to go.
i think im a perfectionist.
i like soya bean, especially from the bottle.
i never liked loud places.
i never liked to get drunk.
i never liked to smoke.
i never like fast cars.
i like to read.
i cant read without glasses.
i hate wearing glasses when i read.
i dare not break the law.
im addicted to work.
i like vanilla ice cream.
i got brown eyes.
i hate driving.
i got no sense of fashion on clothes and anything else that requires fashion.
i realised im no mind reader.
i always wondered how does it feel like to be in the limelight.
i prefer rain than a sunny day.
i can no longer perform in soccer.
i hate to go to bed alone.
i hate to wake up alone.
im getting tired living in a suitcase.
i love kids.
i snore.
i sleep on the left side of the bed.
i love to eat.
i got trouble mingle with younger crowd.
i dont talk much.
i think im surrounded by idiots, all the time.
i like to put my hands in front of the air cond when im driving.
i think im hopelessly romantic.
sometimes, i talk to myself. and the fridge. the dog. the car. period.
i look 5 years younger than my age.
i have been in love before.
i think my best friend is sick. mentally. permanently.
i love cakes.
i`ve stopped celebrating my own birthdays.
i click easier with people who drinks guinness.
i hate horror.
i dont go to the movies anymore.
i hate hospitals.
i am allergic to dogs.
i dont swim.
i hate to swim.
i cant swim.
i love cooking.
i worry too much.
i am easily amused. Not.
i actually enjoy housework.
i secretly sort out M&M`s according to colours and eat them accordingly.

good start of the month..

2008-09-01T19:57:00.001+08:00

Great! I just lurveeeeeeeeee September!!!

Note: this is wayyyyyy after the rain stop and subsiding!

another what-the-fuck of the day...

2008-08-29T12:12:00.004+08:00

need i say more???

what the fuck??

2008-08-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

i got spew all over my G Star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

missing pieces...

2008-08-25T19:56:00.003+08:00

today is exactly 4 years since i received a jigsaw puzzle. :)

i started off with " This might sound a bit rude but i got no other intention but to know you. Is it okay with you? I`ll promise i`ll be good. Its justin by the way."

you know, somehow... i remember this day,next month and every month of it. and i appreciate it, heaps.

and you said this before to me, and today i want to let you know the same;

"I`m sorry i cant do great things but ill try to do small things in great ways. You do meant a lot to me and thank you for all that you`ve been to me... Love you lots and lots and lots and lots........"

just so you know, i framed that puzzle up and the frame dropped on me, of all days... today. scary.

Singapore

2008-08-25T18:57:00.005+08:00

a very expensive weekend i would say..
not that i got a lot of money to begin with anyway.

there`s 3 main attractions; hot chicks, hot chicks and more hot chicks.

its very rare to see the whole country filled with 'plastics' walking around.

0o0o0o0o0o0oooooooooo.....................

shopping was breath-taking. they make Malaysia look like pussies.

almost everyone is holding a bag on the street. big brands!

Singaporean`s spending power is just like our Malaysian government. Simply spend only..

met up with emmoline the non alcoholic.

she brought me to Zouk. downed me with sour plum vodka. again and again.

and some bak kut teh after that..... that looks something like this;

taste like the pig intestine`s pepper soup. different. cant complain. when you are drunk and hungry.

Signs i need to get out more.. really

2008-08-18T01:43:00.002+08:00

Top 5 winners:

number 5: i have both the time, and the inclination, to iron my undies.

number 4: my idea of a great promotion is completing a level on Metal Gear Solid 4.

number 3: talking to the fridge for dinner options.

number 2: i know the name of the pizza boy, and his shift for the month.

and number 1 is....................................................

got really popular with the garbage/recycling collector because of the number of wine bottles and beer cans i hand over every week.

just when i think ive forgotten...

2008-08-16T20:03:00.001+08:00

for me, this is as close as proud can get.

just when you think life`s getting better..

2008-08-07T14:21:00.002+08:00

of all people, why do you have to be the one that pissed me off?
you can do whatever you want; take my friends for granted, used them and making life difficult for everyone around you like they owe you. you`re so self centered and want everyone to adore you. you want to be in the limelight? i`ll give you some, you fugken bitch!

when you used my friends to pick you up for drinks..im fine
when you used my friends to pick you up for drinks then abandon them to chill with your other mates..im fine
when you drink my drinks.. im fine
when you ask my friends to wait up for you till the night ends..im fine

but why the fuck do you have to do it everytime?
why the fuck do you need them when you already have your own plans?
why the fuck do you need them when you already have your own plans, without them?
why the fuck do you even bother asking?

we dont mind buying you drinks..
we dont mind going out of the way to pick you up for drinks..
i dont mind honestly..

but why on earth do you have to claim that my best friend...... yours?!??

YOU FUGKEN COCK SUCKING TWO FACED SELF CENTERED MOTHERFUGKEN CHEAP ASS CUNT, I HOPE YOU FUGKEN BURN IN FUGKEN HELL, YOU FUGKEN USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!

you try too hard, you fugken wannabe.. i wish i could just pluck all of your barbie doll`s head and shaft it up your sorry arse.

GET A LIFE!, YOU FUGKEN BITCH!!!

and oh...please, dont tell anyone that i know you, ever..

just when you think there`s anyone to put the blame on..

2008-07-30T11:20:00.002+08:00

Everytime i reach out for something i care about, fate comes along and snatches it away.

and they say weekends are the best..

2008-07-23T02:51:00.003+08:00

Last weekend, i slept through Saturday and Sunday, waking up feeling like shit on Monday, sober on Tuesday and bored on Wednesday.

Weekends used to be fun...

This is how a perfect weekend should look like. feel like.

i bumped into my good ole` buddies..

2008-07-15T15:01:00.004+08:00

Back in the days where both of `em satisfy me every day. Oh.. i dont know why i tried to let you go in the first place. Spent 3 days catching up while grannie starts her journey to the other side.

Im mourning...... Fuck Off!

Grandma..

2008-07-14T01:50:00.004+08:00

Two days ago, you looked at me and hold my hand so tight trying to tell me something but im sorry i didnt get you. I just want to say "I love you, dont be scared and take care". I`m sure dad will take good care of you on the other side. Thank you for raising me up to be what i am today.

Now that you too are gone, I dont have to cry, for anyone, anymore..

Love always,
Your eldest grandson.

just when you think everyone is still in Malaysia..

2008-07-07T15:00:00.004+08:00

Jade..........................................................................

Jadeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..............................................

I am going to miss you so.........................

You`re my most weird, disgustingly sexy, adorable bitch i love to hang out with!

You entertain me, mentally......

and physically....

Please dont come back a Kiwi! or with one, for the record.

China Flashbacks..

2008-07-02T19:07:00.009+08:00

China Pizza - Good Food

Baby Lobster - Weird Food

IV Drop - Too Much Food

And when you had a bad day - Drink Happy Juice

And always remember - Protect Circum Stance Being with Me

just when i think im going to jail..

2008-06-28T10:23:00.003+08:00

I went to some seafood joint sonewhere in China and i as soon as i stepped in....

POLICE COME!!! POLICE COME!!!!
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after all those hand gestures and a lot of explaining....
it is PLEASE COME! PLEASE COME!

iphone - in house joke

2008-06-27T17:39:00.002+08:00

Whahaahahaahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhaahhaahhaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......................................

just when you think its a joke...

2008-06-27T13:27:00.002+08:00

First Candidate:

Typical Mainland; very fair, quite tall, long hair, long fugly nails, talks a lot, very loud, easily amused, clingy, hairy, no table manners, like flowery clothings, fugly handbag, likes to party...

damm.............

or is it just me being choosy?

all i know is that the way she looks at me........she so want to PDW me. wahahaha...

just when i think i would not have to answer to anyone anymore..

2008-06-26T13:06:00.003+08:00

Big Yan: You want to marry a China girl?
Me: ??.............. No. Do i have to?
Big Yan: Why not? You already got a girlfriend?
Me: No....yes....maybe.....dunno

Big Yan: Its not good to play around.
Me: Right....
Big Yan: In China, everyone your age is either pregnant or married by now.
Me: Good.
Big Yan: I arrange someone for you.
Me:.......... (i think i need to go through my contract again)...

When he say that, he wasnt joking at all. Straight away he called someone and talk in super-fast-forward mandarin, or what i think it is..

Here, you can actually choose a wife, just like going to the market only.. winks!

just when you think you know what pain is..

2008-06-25T21:34:00.002+08:00

I just had another tattoo. A lot of people commented on it. Personally, honestly, i dont like it and i dont think i dont have much of a choice but to live with it, like any other decisions i`ve made. I should have realised it when i did my first one but i was at the phase where you know what you`re going to get into and yet you still go for it moments.

Cass: Does it hurt?
Me: It hurts so much it feels so good.
Cass: Like sex?
Me: Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy better.....................
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Picture is not available here. Ask me if you really want to see.

just when you think you`ve seen everything..

2008-06-23T22:34:00.007+08:00

Have anyone seen a real question mark?

I know i have....

dont ask me, i am as clueless like anyone else..

just when you think its not possible..

2008-06-23T16:46:00.003+08:00

LOOK MUM!

I am blogging in China, the country with no freedom of speech!

o0O0o0O0o0o0o00O0o0O0o0O0o0O0o0o0O0o0O0o0O0...................

just when you think i............

2008-05-08T19:12:00.002+08:00

happy birthday chubby...

just when you think its okay..

2007-11-18T19:21:00.000+08:00

dear dear on board
im worried and paranoid, cannot sleep..

just when you think its a holiday..

2007-11-06T16:49:00.000+08:00

today, is melbourne cup day. where people dress up nice nice and watch horses running the shit out of themselves so that they could bet on them. most of them dont even know what or who they`re betting on, especially drunkens.

i, myself, had to go work.. woke up early this morning, but before that, i called chubbyface..

ring ring... ring ring..
me: alo...
chubbyface: eh, i is going out, in the lift now, talk to you later. *click*
me: %^#$*&$. celaka..bail me..

i doze off right after that. when i woke up, its already quarter to 9. had to rush my ass off coz i thought i was late. got there, made my coffee and the next thing i know, i was drooling all over my desk. half past 10 and still no one to be seen. minutes later, tom the fat-muthafugken-greek-cunt appeared with his muthafugken-fugly-light-blue-cheebye-range-rover.

me: whats for today?
tom: why not just clean up and organize the place a little?

i wish to say..."you fugken call me in on a fugken public holiday just to fugken do this when the fugken boys can do it on any other fugken day?!?"

actually.... this is what i actually said..

me: okay..:)

*i ended up sneaking around, reading some gay magazine around the corner of the warehouse instead*

.........................................................the only horse im betting is "Firing Tom".

just when you think its just an hour difference..

2007-10-28T18:36:00.000+08:00

normally, i wouldnt make a big fuss about the day-light saving shit but if you have your loved one away from you, it is something you might wanna be fussy about. and when i say far away, its really far. in my case, its roughly around 10,000 miles apart. 16,898 kilometers or 10,500 miles or 9124 nautical miles...to be precise.

9 hours difference is already making my heart ache, NOW its bloody 11 hours. indirectly, i stole an hour from her. suddenly, my longing thoughts now seems to feel longer..

just when you think im speechless..

2007-10-24T16:24:00.000+08:00

everyday.. everyday, there`s ups and downs. some things you like to do, some you dont. some you like to hear, and some you dont. but im the kind who rather knows than not to. and as ugly as this may sound, im glad to know; not delighted nor happy; just plain glad.

i`ll learn to live with it coz what i know today... cant hurt me tomorrow; or anywhere close to that, ever. there`s some things i just cant say out loud directly to you. thank god for blogs.

....................and just so you know, you`re worth more than that.

just when you think money is everything..

2007-10-23T18:02:00.000+08:00

today was more like a gossip day. what happened, what never happen, what should happen also got!. people die every single day, but rich people dont die everyday. the headline today.. malaysia`s 3rd richest cunt and also one of aussie`s richest mate died. everyone talk about it as if its the end of the world. i got long long distance calls just to gossip what happened 4000 miles away from me. personally, i dont really care but i just wanna get into the "group" talk, in other word; gossip.

there`s a lot of things flash through me when i think bout death, i only i can type as fast as my mind. here`s a couple that i managed to capture..

- should have bought that cute lady across the table the other night..
- fug, i`d die for another puff of ciggie..
- hmm.....beer........
- darn, forgot to upload pictures on facebook..
- where`s my handphone?
- chubbyface, i love you still..
- pay car installment
- sze chuan......

since life is so short, im going to open up my feelings to people i love..

deep inside, im afraid. im afraid of losing everything im gaining now. i dont want to lose any bit of it. i miss melbourne already. i miss chillislut; and her cookings and every single moment of it. (i didnt say anything doesnt mean i dont care)

i miss my chubbyface, any way possible. left, right, centre, top, bottom, front, back. again and again. no matter how much you love me..i love you more. ive got a picture of you in my mind, so even if ive gone to heaven, ill make sure ill fall in love with the same person.

until my life is through, i want to thank you for everything. if i was given another chance, i wouldnt change a bit.

just when you think im fine..

2007-09-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

ONE: malaysia is fugken hot! i really cannot take it! im easily frustrated when i come in contact with the bloody sun. if you think im a wannabe or exaggerating..wait till you see the "ma chan`s". they walk around with jackets, AND SOMETIMES PARKA`S!!

TWO: if ive been given a choice to choose between internet and everything else in the world.. i would fug everything else just to get online. firstly, to talk to my boo, then my ebanking coz i like to look at the figure in my account, then my other "personal" stuff. i think with the amount of times ive come to starbucks for the past week just to get my fingers on the keyboard, i can buy half of the cafe! ive tasted everything on the menu i cant even remembered which is which.

THREE: house`s a mess.period.

FOUR: its funny when you realize that people around treats you differently. you know its not the same but there`s nothing much you can say or do. even if you can, what are you gonna say? most of the time, i just give em a big smile. to juggle around with your social life with different kinds of friend isnt easy at all. being taken "advantage" is not as pleasurable, i wonder how other people can pull it off..

FIVE: im missing melbourne more than i used to. i miss getting up early for work. i miss sze chuan-ing with the gang. i miss going back after work, and get online and wait for chubbyface to wake up to talk to, coz it ends my day perfectly.