I am fustrated.
Ed* and Gabby* have issues and they just work them out and move on.
meanwhile i still find myself struggling to trust people around me.
and then what?
through blind dumb luck he gets everything just like that.
i dont want to begrudge him his good fortune, but shit just
comes so easy to him. he never has to work for anything.
and i try not to fault him for it. good for him.
but it just throws into contrast how little
ive got to show for my life.
Cunts!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
just when i think its all barred..
there is one thing, matter of fact its the only thing that im clinging on to my 'social network' has also been blocked by the servers of PRC and i have no full access to it.
Facebook has been the only thing that kept me 'close' to my family and friends but lately i can only view but not post/comment pictures and other people`s comment whatsoever. i cant even post up pictures, cant view friends, cant add friends, cant anything but only able to view through a proxy website which feels like reading a book without my glasses. or a better metaphor.. having virtual sex. you get the idea but thats all you get out of it.
..which leaves me high and dry. and im blogging thru a proxy server too, fyi. In mainland, i got no direct access to facebook (view only), blogs (lucky only need to view) and youtube (view also cannot coz the stupid java script shits).
Being in China is so bored and stressful with work at the same time. Luckily i just had the longest best 27 days this year, relaxing back in Malaysia last month. It was awesome, it was better than awesome, its fucking awesome. For once i hardly work, i wake up late, have brunch with friends and best of all, good food. I was pampered to the point where tears almost weep through my eyes. I had a 2 full page list of foods-to-eat and i cleared 95% of it, and some even doubled.
This trip, i managed to;
1 - attend my best friends wedding
2 - delivered my speech
3 - quality time with close ones
4 - ate all the good food i can think of
5 - catch up with close friends
6 - catch up with nieces and nephew in Singapore
7 - attend my sister`s wedding
8 - attend another 2 more old friends wedding
9 - play a good game of futsal
10 - just relax like how a holiday would actually feel like
11 - spring cleaned my klang house
12 - catch up with my Mum, my real mum
13 - get some personal issues done
14 - watched Transformers, in a cinema!
15 - watched Ice Age, in 3D, in a cinema, on a date, in Singapore, with a flu!
All this while, i cant find one good reason to go back to Malaysia ever again (after all the shits that has happened throughout my life) but after this trip, i just need to step back more and look at the bigger picture coz all i need is a few close friends to make a big difference.
Facebook has been the only thing that kept me 'close' to my family and friends but lately i can only view but not post/comment pictures and other people`s comment whatsoever. i cant even post up pictures, cant view friends, cant add friends, cant anything but only able to view through a proxy website which feels like reading a book without my glasses. or a better metaphor.. having virtual sex. you get the idea but thats all you get out of it.
..which leaves me high and dry. and im blogging thru a proxy server too, fyi. In mainland, i got no direct access to facebook (view only), blogs (lucky only need to view) and youtube (view also cannot coz the stupid java script shits).
Being in China is so bored and stressful with work at the same time. Luckily i just had the longest best 27 days this year, relaxing back in Malaysia last month. It was awesome, it was better than awesome, its fucking awesome. For once i hardly work, i wake up late, have brunch with friends and best of all, good food. I was pampered to the point where tears almost weep through my eyes. I had a 2 full page list of foods-to-eat and i cleared 95% of it, and some even doubled.
This trip, i managed to;
1 - attend my best friends wedding
2 - delivered my speech
3 - quality time with close ones
4 - ate all the good food i can think of
5 - catch up with close friends
6 - catch up with nieces and nephew in Singapore
7 - attend my sister`s wedding
8 - attend another 2 more old friends wedding
9 - play a good game of futsal
10 - just relax like how a holiday would actually feel like
11 - spring cleaned my klang house
12 - catch up with my Mum, my real mum
13 - get some personal issues done
14 - watched Transformers, in a cinema!
15 - watched Ice Age, in 3D, in a cinema, on a date, in Singapore, with a flu!
All this while, i cant find one good reason to go back to Malaysia ever again (after all the shits that has happened throughout my life) but after this trip, i just need to step back more and look at the bigger picture coz all i need is a few close friends to make a big difference.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
summer
there is a few things i love about summer.
- only tee shirt and shorts all day.
- commando is the way to go
- i can wear sunnies all day long.
- seeing kids running around with ice cream dripping across the floor.
- hot, hot girls with skimpy clothes.
- cold cold beer served everywhere.
- my leg not pain during summer.
- taking pictures during summer is awesome.
- i have more excuse not to work due to 'headache'.
now the only thing i need is a beach getaway. and a few good friends in between.
- only tee shirt and shorts all day.
- commando is the way to go
- i can wear sunnies all day long.
- seeing kids running around with ice cream dripping across the floor.
- hot, hot girls with skimpy clothes.
- cold cold beer served everywhere.
- my leg not pain during summer.
- taking pictures during summer is awesome.
- i have more excuse not to work due to 'headache'.
now the only thing i need is a beach getaway. and a few good friends in between.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
is in search for The One..
On my 100th post, i wanna share some rather more private & intimate details with you.
I`ve been keeping my options wide. Some stayed, some come and go, some just came and doesnt wanna go. I have been dating for quite some time, simultaneously and yet it still cant match my descriptions.
The current one that i`m seeing now, she`s great but it`s the smaller details...
1 - I like her to manja me from time to time, but she manja`s all the time.
2 - She like to hold hold hands when going out, but i like to hold my phone more.
3 - I prefer when she stroke the back of my hair whilst watching tv, but she does that more when im working from home, sending emails just to distract me from something else.
4 - i like it when she calls me on random and ask me what im doing. She tak layan.
5 - I love coffee, and she likes to drink from my cup. I dont like.
6 - I like to rest my head on her lap. She likes to rest on mine.
7 - I like to nibble the ear and neck. She dont like.
8 - She always misplaced her phone. I hate to look for phones.
9 - She likes to look thorough my phone details. I like the insecurity.
10 - I like to cook, she likes to eat but doesnt want to do the dishes.
11 - Im very very particular, she`s the total opposite.
12 - She like to club. sigh.
13 - She read magazines. I read hers. She dont like.
14 - i read novels. I make her read novels. also she dont like.
15 - We both like to sleep on the left side of the bed.
16 - She likes her M&M`s mixed!
17 - Im a morning person, she sleep in the morning.
18 - I got no problems with authority. She does!
19 - She likes me formal. I like my jeans and pasar malan tee.
20 - I like her short hair. Her`s panjang manjang.
21 - She already told me that she love me. I stammered.
22 - She dont let me drive her Bentley.
Fug me. Im picky!
I`ve been keeping my options wide. Some stayed, some come and go, some just came and doesnt wanna go. I have been dating for quite some time, simultaneously and yet it still cant match my descriptions.
The current one that i`m seeing now, she`s great but it`s the smaller details...
1 - I like her to manja me from time to time, but she manja`s all the time.
2 - She like to hold hold hands when going out, but i like to hold my phone more.
3 - I prefer when she stroke the back of my hair whilst watching tv, but she does that more when im working from home, sending emails just to distract me from something else.
4 - i like it when she calls me on random and ask me what im doing. She tak layan.
5 - I love coffee, and she likes to drink from my cup. I dont like.
6 - I like to rest my head on her lap. She likes to rest on mine.
7 - I like to nibble the ear and neck. She dont like.
8 - She always misplaced her phone. I hate to look for phones.
9 - She likes to look thorough my phone details. I like the insecurity.
10 - I like to cook, she likes to eat but doesnt want to do the dishes.
11 - Im very very particular, she`s the total opposite.
12 - She like to club. sigh.
13 - She read magazines. I read hers. She dont like.
14 - i read novels. I make her read novels. also she dont like.
15 - We both like to sleep on the left side of the bed.
16 - She likes her M&M`s mixed!
17 - Im a morning person, she sleep in the morning.
18 - I got no problems with authority. She does!
19 - She likes me formal. I like my jeans and pasar malan tee.
20 - I like her short hair. Her`s panjang manjang.
21 - She already told me that she love me. I stammered.
22 - She dont let me drive her Bentley.
Fug me. Im picky!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
The Reign of Justin - episode one
Katrina - you are lucky number one.
its about time i step back into the single`s market again and deliver what everyone has been expecting.
tonight, imma use the Dolce&Gabbana suit.
its about time i step back into the single`s market again and deliver what everyone has been expecting.
tonight, imma use the Dolce&Gabbana suit.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
today: content
i feel funny today. i feel delicate. i feel idle. i feel all alone, in a country filled with strangers. i am not sad and i cant find one good reason to feel happy. no matter where i am now, where i`ll be tomorrow, or where im going to be in the future.. im just a person living in a suitcase. someone once told me that im emotionless, a person without expression. that im weird. i act weird. talk weird. i miss those days. least back then there was actually someone that noticed me.
today.. im soulless.
today.. im soulless.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
a fool`s fooled?
Today, of all days i got to make a decision that i could hardly resist.
It all started with a bright, cool breezy almost perfect day. I was as usual with my hoodie, signature 2B pencil parked on my left ear and holding one too many files, one leg kicking.. until i was called in for a meeting by both China and Australia bosses.
Everything was going well, talked about work stuff then out of the sudden, they told me that i got promoted, sort of... again. I am now currently the sales manager, marketing manager and the new addition; brand manager. How...the fug did that just happened? How the fug am i supposed to juggle all of them, at the same bloody time? Now i am not just a manager, I'm the manager.
The title is getting too much, the workload is as much as the title sounds.
Fine. I think i can handle a little bit of a challenge.. but;
It all started with a bright, cool breezy almost perfect day. I was as usual with my hoodie, signature 2B pencil parked on my left ear and holding one too many files, one leg kicking.. until i was called in for a meeting by both China and Australia bosses.
Everything was going well, talked about work stuff then out of the sudden, they told me that i got promoted, sort of... again. I am now currently the sales manager, marketing manager and the new addition; brand manager. How...the fug did that just happened? How the fug am i supposed to juggle all of them, at the same bloody time? Now i am not just a manager, I'm the manager.
The title is getting too much, the workload is as much as the title sounds.
Fine. I think i can handle a little bit of a challenge.. but;
- with this position comes big sacrifice, which means i have to renew my contract (by the way is due this June) for another couple more years.
- because of the above, i can`t go back to Melbourne, as planned. According to boss, i have to put that thought on hold for the time being.
- my best friend is gonna be so heartbroken.
- i is gonna be so heartbroken, literally.
The tricky part of all this is;
- if i did good in this position, means it gives me less chance to get back to Australia;
- but if i fug this up, they might have the impression that I'm incompetent, maybe fired;
- if i do it for the sake of job wise, i don't get satisfaction of feeling good coz I'm a perfectionist!
but the only good side of it is;
- more salary.
- that's about it..
and the down side..
- stay back, living in this horrible country, all alone.
- 2/3 time spent on work
- bored
- all of the above, again and again.
I should have rejected this position when i had the chance to, but the temptation of being in control. Argh darn, i just got sucked into the world full of conspiracies.
I think i deserve a drink to myself, to congratulate, drown my sorrows away and cry myself to bed again at the same time.
I feel like shit and this is the saddest day of my life and i wish it was all just a prank on April Fool`s Day.
Question of the day: What would you do?
By the way, did i mentioned that im a junior graphic designer for wheels as well. fugken awesome!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
my speech
Today is one of my happiest and saddest day. Its my best friend marrying my other best friend and i am at to the other corner of the world, in the office, typing this. I hate not to be there to see everything, to hold her hand and tell her that im proud of her and im really happy for her. I know i never said this out loud before but i love you very much. everyone of you there. I miss all of you so much my heart aches.
Not being able to be there for her feels like ive failed being her best friend, and the worse part of all, i feel so bad i got no one to point my fingers at. Here is the speech ive prepared since last year..
"First of all, i would like to take this opportunity to thank the NG and Law family for everything. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Justin, one of Racheal’s closest friends for over 15 years, usually a partner in crime.
Anyway, we have been friends since primary school.
Racheal and I have done many things together during our almost life-long friendship. Over the years we practically do the same thing together, we've even tried to skip school, tried to pick up girls together..
She likes to hurt, make jokes and laugh at you then tease you whenever she can.
Ever since i knew her, she`s been giving me nothing but headaches.
And that is why i had to introduce her to Adrian because he has the highest tolerance level than anyone else I’ve known and i think she is the luckiest person to have Adrian as her other half.
He takes all her punching, kicking, nagging, yelling and all without a single complain.I sometimes wonder why.
I can’t complain because she cooks good food for me.
They’ve now been together for a very long time, and I can’t think of a single couple more perfect for each other.
She brings out the good side in him, which takes a lot of effort; and Adrian, you`ve seen her worst, and you survived.
Now i would like to invite you all to be upstanding, raise you glasses and join me in a toast to Racheal and Adrian, because I think they were made for each other.
Ladies and Gentlemen: a toast to the bride and groom"
Not being able to be there for her feels like ive failed being her best friend, and the worse part of all, i feel so bad i got no one to point my fingers at. Here is the speech ive prepared since last year..
"First of all, i would like to take this opportunity to thank the NG and Law family for everything. For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Justin, one of Racheal’s closest friends for over 15 years, usually a partner in crime.
Anyway, we have been friends since primary school.
Racheal and I have done many things together during our almost life-long friendship. Over the years we practically do the same thing together, we've even tried to skip school, tried to pick up girls together..
She likes to hurt, make jokes and laugh at you then tease you whenever she can.
Ever since i knew her, she`s been giving me nothing but headaches.
And that is why i had to introduce her to Adrian because he has the highest tolerance level than anyone else I’ve known and i think she is the luckiest person to have Adrian as her other half.
He takes all her punching, kicking, nagging, yelling and all without a single complain.I sometimes wonder why.
I can’t complain because she cooks good food for me.
They’ve now been together for a very long time, and I can’t think of a single couple more perfect for each other.
She brings out the good side in him, which takes a lot of effort; and Adrian, you`ve seen her worst, and you survived.
Now i would like to invite you all to be upstanding, raise you glasses and join me in a toast to Racheal and Adrian, because I think they were made for each other.
Ladies and Gentlemen: a toast to the bride and groom"
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
happy valentine`s..
dedicating this to the most influential person in my life.
'All you need is love' - John Lennon.
Friday, February 13, 2009
donch..
my PMS bestie is under a lot of stress with her wedding prep dateline...
and all she said was...
DONCH! whatever you`re thinking...donch...zip it!
here`s a few boys to to help you out while im away...
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
its always harder with words..
At times I felt that my heart has been crushed, again and again coz of the choices ive made in the past. And it has been way too long to keep it inside. A stranger recently I met in a park asked me ‘Did you made the right choice to be standing where you are right now?’
Smirk. That’s all I can come out with. To choose between something really important and something that could have been equally important at that time doesn’t really help when you didn’t take a few steps back to see the bigger picture.
I chose number two. Which at that time seems to be the right choice. I want to express how I felt with the decisions ive made but it seems that this is another chapter of my life I will have to bring along to my grave.
If only there is the slightest chance to make it up to you…
I am very sorry. Very, very sorry, my friend.
Smirk. That’s all I can come out with. To choose between something really important and something that could have been equally important at that time doesn’t really help when you didn’t take a few steps back to see the bigger picture.
I chose number two. Which at that time seems to be the right choice. I want to express how I felt with the decisions ive made but it seems that this is another chapter of my life I will have to bring along to my grave.
If only there is the slightest chance to make it up to you…
I am very sorry. Very, very sorry, my friend.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
plan C..
i had to lay low and try to figure out how am i going to deal with this shit..
first i have to change......but to which? hmm........ the red one? or the other red one?
plan A..
me: hey lemme out bitch!
accomplice: she`s not around, went shopping..
me: i need to use the loo. ill do anything you want. *winks*
accomplice: anything?
me: yes.
accomplice: she`s not around, went shopping..
me: i need to use the loo. ill do anything you want. *winks*
accomplice: anything?
me: yes.
dont judge me. sex sells!
S.O.S
my mind was no where near sane.. and i was trying to get help. i think im going to call X. all those alcohol isnt helping at all....or maybe it did?
thanks to it, i have double vision. i can neither drunk dail X or call for help.
undecided..
so i had to go a quieter place to think and get myself together before i lose my mind, again...
the pounding from the excessive booze intake hits the spot.. i need help..
how now brown cow?
as i was having my juice, i was contemplating whether to let things go the way it is.. or try to make things right for the last time...
undecided; my heart? my instinct? timing? yes? no? dont know? maybe my best friend is right all this while?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
its tough getting older..
I always thought I knew where I’d want to go but now I find that things are getting colder, older.. yesterday, my best friend knocked some sense into me and I came to realize that what lies down the road for me if I choose the other route instead.
looks like there`s only one way...or is it?
Monday, January 26, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
the reason i miss klang so much..
just-in says:
whoa, you got msn dey!
Kc says:
you got money bo?
just-in says:
...........
Kc says:
no money to cny
can rent bo?
just-in says:
haha if i got money, i become boss liao lo
no need work de
Kc says:
fuck u lar
just-in says:
why you need money for?
Kc says:
niao
just-in says:
niao lu eh cheebye
Kc says:
buy cny cloth
just-in says:
hahahaha
Kc says:
wat also no have
just-in says:
no need la most important pocket got money
clothes not important
Kc says:
the problem i pocket also no money
bolo 500 lai
give u back at march 8
just-in says:
you think lim peh backside print money ka
no hap la
Kc says:
niau lar
Kc says:
kia i cant give back la
just-in says:
no la i boh lui leh
Kc says:
i understand la
just-in says:
if got sure will borrow wan
Kc says:
nvm lar....i understand my sef poor and every time gif ppl look down
biasa edi
just-in says:
chaucheebye i didnt say that also!
Kc says:
kidding lar
test u
just-in says:
test lan
Kc says:
i just want see with frenz can fuck mar
hahahaha
just-in says:
fug you.. can?
whoa, you got msn dey!
Kc says:
you got money bo?
just-in says:
...........
Kc says:
no money to cny
can rent bo?
just-in says:
haha if i got money, i become boss liao lo
no need work de
Kc says:
fuck u lar
just-in says:
why you need money for?
Kc says:
niao
just-in says:
niao lu eh cheebye
Kc says:
buy cny cloth
just-in says:
hahahaha
Kc says:
wat also no have
just-in says:
no need la most important pocket got money
clothes not important
Kc says:
the problem i pocket also no money
bolo 500 lai
give u back at march 8
just-in says:
you think lim peh backside print money ka
no hap la
Kc says:
niau lar
Kc says:
kia i cant give back la
just-in says:
no la i boh lui leh
Kc says:
i understand la
just-in says:
if got sure will borrow wan
Kc says:
nvm lar....i understand my sef poor and every time gif ppl look down
biasa edi
just-in says:
chaucheebye i didnt say that also!
Kc says:
kidding lar
test u
just-in says:
test lan
Kc says:
i just want see with frenz can fuck mar
hahahaha
just-in says:
fug you.. can?
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
..the reasons why i am still single
continues..
"you`re driving your car and you feel frighten a little bit as we bumped up against that feeling as much, we try to push that limit further and get comfortable there.... and then push it again, so you`re constantly on the brick of crashing.. coz thats the fastest."
that is how i feel when i was in my last relationship. its like you`re doing just fine, or probably better than the last but you want to go the extra mile but you dont know whether its a good or bad thing coz of all the adrenaline rush when you are in love.
living on the edge is exciting, but the whole idea of wondering the nights away is mentally exhausting, tiring. all those sleepless nights transformed me, for better or for worse, i dont really know, but one thing for sure, i want to experience love again. but this time, im not going over the limit. *godspeed*
"you`re driving your car and you feel frighten a little bit as we bumped up against that feeling as much, we try to push that limit further and get comfortable there.... and then push it again, so you`re constantly on the brick of crashing.. coz thats the fastest."
that is how i feel when i was in my last relationship. its like you`re doing just fine, or probably better than the last but you want to go the extra mile but you dont know whether its a good or bad thing coz of all the adrenaline rush when you are in love.
living on the edge is exciting, but the whole idea of wondering the nights away is mentally exhausting, tiring. all those sleepless nights transformed me, for better or for worse, i dont really know, but one thing for sure, i want to experience love again. but this time, im not going over the limit. *godspeed*
Monday, January 19, 2009
just when you think you`re at the top..
RE: just a friendly reminder that they didnt name us RED DEVILS for nothing.. p/s: dont worry, we`ll never let you walk alone.
0000000000000OOOOOOOOOOOO0O0O0O0O0O0O0Oo0O0oO0O0OooOooOoOOOOOOOoOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.........................
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
one of those days..
spent all my time waiting for that second chance, wondering what it`ll be on the other end.
today its the 9th year since my dad left and time does flies when you come to think about the things that happened around you...or i should say things that didnt happen, its undeniably painful to look back every now and then and there`s always some reason to feel not good enough.
..the things i would give up just to let you know what i`ve achieved today.
today its the 9th year since my dad left and time does flies when you come to think about the things that happened around you...or i should say things that didnt happen, its undeniably painful to look back every now and then and there`s always some reason to feel not good enough.
..the things i would give up just to let you know what i`ve achieved today.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
the reasons why i am still single..
just when i think that the relationship isnt that serious;
in the beginning, i always find myself in a brand new relationship, just dating and i really like the girl but im not sure if i want to be exclusive. while im out there dating or talking to a couple of other girls to make sure she's the right one for me, she could be doing the same thing!
unfortunately, women get hit on almost everyday, it could just be for sex or whatever the circumstance, but they get attention out there no matter what they look like-there is always someone who is willing to get in their pants.
I think im not quite ready to settle down as i go from one woman to the next, im just wasting time on the girls i dont really like instead of investing time in the one i really want.
to be continued..
in the beginning, i always find myself in a brand new relationship, just dating and i really like the girl but im not sure if i want to be exclusive. while im out there dating or talking to a couple of other girls to make sure she's the right one for me, she could be doing the same thing!
unfortunately, women get hit on almost everyday, it could just be for sex or whatever the circumstance, but they get attention out there no matter what they look like-there is always someone who is willing to get in their pants.
I think im not quite ready to settle down as i go from one woman to the next, im just wasting time on the girls i dont really like instead of investing time in the one i really want.
to be continued..
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