just when you think its okay..

dear dear on board
im worried and paranoid, cannot sleep..

just when you think its a holiday..

today, is melbourne cup day. where people dress up nice nice and watch horses running the shit out of themselves so that they could bet on them. most of them dont even know what or who they`re betting on, especially drunkens.

i, myself, had to go work.. woke up early this morning, but before that, i called chubbyface..

ring ring... ring ring..
me: alo...
chubbyface: eh, i is going out, in the lift now, talk to you later. *click*
me: %^#$*&$. celaka..bail me..

i doze off right after that. when i woke up, its already quarter to 9. had to rush my ass off coz i thought i was late. got there, made my coffee and the next thing i know, i was drooling all over my desk. half past 10 and still no one to be seen. minutes later, tom the fat-muthafugken-greek-cunt appeared with his muthafugken-fugly-light-blue-cheebye-range-rover.

me: whats for today?
tom: why not just clean up and organize the place a little?

i wish to say..."you fugken call me in on a fugken public holiday just to fugken do this when the fugken boys can do it on any other fugken day?!?"

actually.... this is what i actually said..

me: okay..:)

*i ended up sneaking around, reading some gay magazine around the corner of the warehouse instead*

.........................................................the only horse im betting is "Firing Tom".

just when you think its just an hour difference..

normally, i wouldnt make a big fuss about the day-light saving shit but if you have your loved one away from you, it is something you might wanna be fussy about. and when i say far away, its really far. in my case, its roughly around 10,000 miles apart. 16,898 kilometers or 10,500 miles or 9124 nautical miles...to be precise.

9 hours difference is already making my heart ache, NOW its bloody 11 hours. indirectly, i stole an hour from her. suddenly, my longing thoughts now seems to feel longer..

just when you think im speechless..

everyday.. everyday, there`s ups and downs. some things you like to do, some you dont. some you like to hear, and some you dont. but im the kind who rather knows than not to. and as ugly as this may sound, im glad to know; not delighted nor happy; just plain glad.

i`ll learn to live with it coz what i know today... cant hurt me tomorrow; or anywhere close to that, ever. there`s some things i just cant say out loud directly to you. thank god for blogs.

















....................and just so you know, you`re worth more than that.

just when you think money is everything..

today was more like a gossip day. what happened, what never happen, what should happen also got!. people die every single day, but rich people dont die everyday. the headline today.. malaysia`s 3rd richest cunt and also one of aussie`s richest mate died. everyone talk about it as if its the end of the world. i got long long distance calls just to gossip what happened 4000 miles away from me. personally, i dont really care but i just wanna get into the "group" talk, in other word; gossip.

there`s a lot of things flash through me when i think bout death, i only i can type as fast as my mind. here`s a couple that i managed to capture..

- should have bought that cute lady across the table the other night..
- fug, i`d die for another puff of ciggie..
- hmm.....beer........
- darn, forgot to upload pictures on facebook..
- where`s my handphone?
- chubbyface, i love you still..
- pay car installment
- sze chuan......

since life is so short, im going to open up my feelings to people i love..

deep inside, im afraid. im afraid of losing everything im gaining now. i dont want to lose any bit of it. i miss melbourne already. i miss chillislut; and her cookings and every single moment of it. (i didnt say anything doesnt mean i dont care)

i miss my chubbyface, any way possible. left, right, centre, top, bottom, front, back. again and again. no matter how much you love me..i love you more. ive got a picture of you in my mind, so even if ive gone to heaven, ill make sure ill fall in love with the same person.

until my life is through, i want to thank you for everything. if i was given another chance, i wouldnt change a bit.

just when you think im fine..

ONE: malaysia is fugken hot! i really cannot take it! im easily frustrated when i come in contact with the bloody sun. if you think im a wannabe or exaggerating..wait till you see the "ma chan`s". they walk around with jackets, AND SOMETIMES PARKA`S!!

TWO: if ive been given a choice to choose between internet and everything else in the world.. i would fug everything else just to get online. firstly, to talk to my boo, then my ebanking coz i like to look at the figure in my account, then my other "personal" stuff. i think with the amount of times ive come to starbucks for the past week just to get my fingers on the keyboard, i can buy half of the cafe! ive tasted everything on the menu i cant even remembered which is which.

THREE: house`s a mess.period.

FOUR: its funny when you realize that people around treats you differently. you know its not the same but there`s nothing much you can say or do. even if you can, what are you gonna say? most of the time, i just give em a big smile. to juggle around with your social life with different kinds of friend isnt easy at all. being taken "advantage" is not as pleasurable, i wonder how other people can pull it off..

FIVE: im missing melbourne more than i used to. i miss getting up early for work. i miss sze chuan-ing with the gang. i miss going back after work, and get online and wait for chubbyface to wake up to talk to, coz it ends my day perfectly.

just when you think im not thinking..

its been raining for the past few days, heavily. and even work`s all hands on, i managed to daze into the mood and get myself into the "emotional" mode..it lasted for a mere second coz there`s always somebody yelling out my name every fugken minute.

------------------------------------------------------------------
-inside my mind-

"hmm..i wonder if she`s sleeping now?, or still stalking ppl`s blog??"
"hmm.. i wonder if she got her socks on, the weather `s bad"

and sometimes...

"hmm.. i wonder if my porn has successfully downloaded?"



but most of the time...

"hmm... i wonder if she thinks of me now or not leh?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

to be continue..

just when you think im all it..

ive been feeling dreamy all day and it got me thinking bout everything and anything that`s around me. when they say "new enviroment, new life, new start, new beginning"... well, i personally think its pretty much the same, mentally.

i may be in a more comfortable zone now, yet i feel threaten in some way or another. it feels like you just won the lottery but you dun know how much you won. or someone once told you something but cant keep on to their words. someone told me that im taking everything too seriously, and i need to loosen up a little.. maybe its true.. i need to live to learn, not crash and burn.

if you know me, personally, you`ll know that i learned things the hard way. though it hurts a lot looking back but all that experience didnt go ashtray. and i know there`s still gonna be a lot more hiccups along the journey, thats why i plan.

correct me if im wrong, but thing always doesnt turn out to be as planned but yet ppl still does it. you might have heard this a million times.. "planning and actually doing it is a two different thing". i have to agree with that, unfortunately.

ive been planning all this while and look where it got me. sometimes when you think all that extra effort doesnt matter...think again. i actually crossed off at least half of my to-do-in-5-years-time list and i hope my next to-do-in-another-5 years plan wouldnt be any less than the last. i cant say im happy with it but yet i cant say im not at the same time. sometimes, i think you just got to step back a little and look at the big picture for once..

im just like anyone else, im not exceptionally "intelligent" or whatever you people call it these days..



.........i want my future. do you?

just when you think im always like that..

ever crossed your mind what i want? even once? at all?

just when you think one is bad enough..

i used to laugh my ass off when my friend told me that his girlfriend ask him to get her something. sometimes its a pair of shoe, or jeans, or maybe a decent handbag that cant carry more than......more than... ... .. sigh..

like i was saying, shoes, jeans, clothes.. who doesn`t like shopping? i used to like..shopping and all, until i realised that my girlfriend is a bigger shopper than me. so, i decided to quit shopping, so that maybe she`ll quit too.... well, the world doesn`t work that way, especially hers.

my friend, chilli-slut, is a shopaholic herself.
i didn`t use to bother what she buys whenever i go shopping with her coz first of all, i`m not forking out money at all and i get to choose or critize it. its always the case..

chilli-slut: wei, this one nice or not?
me: noice~
chilli-slut; then this one leh?
me: noice~
chilli-slut: how bout this then?
me: noice~
chilli-slut: tee hee...yeah i think so too.. so which one?
me: ???

as you can see, it doesn`t make much of a difference if i really pick coz she only wanna hear what she wanna hear.

anyway, ive always known that designers stuff are exceptionally expensive but i never bother checking out the price and all coz i dont want to "afford" it.

speaking of designers, i went to LV the other day with chilli-slut to check out a bag simply because she had her eyes on a small decent bag, that took my breath away. well..technically.

its small. not really nice. for me, ill name it fugly instead of shirley. and it cost AUD1200++ and can only fit 3 pencils. and maybee... an eraser.

luckily, i`ve used up all my shopping skills and talked her out of it but i know i cant talk her out of the boutique,so i make her get something else instead, the damier speedy. the one she got is much nicer but yet it still cost a bomb. i personally think its ridiculous, but judging the look on chilli-slut`s face...it looks like its damn worth it.

on the other hand, my significant other, chubby-face, is as scary as anyone else. even when she`s at home, with her laptop and an internet connection, its not safe. she shops online. matter of fact, she does almost everything online. and if she says she wanna go shopping and look around, she`s lying. she`s already 80% decided what she wants even before stepping into the boutique. although i'm thousands of miles away, yet i still don`t feel safe.

i go through hell whenever chubby-face set her eyes on one of the items. its like you know you got no where else to run and hide, and the only way to get out of it is.....is....darn, there`s no where to get out of it eh? but i always try to buy time so that i can safe enough for it. after a few attempts, she`ll give up and get it herself. her latest collection, damier zippy wallet. and yes, it zips off the money just like that too.

if you put chilli-slut and chubby-face together...your headache will get a headache itself. they`re highly dependant on expensive canvas. but i still love em nonetheless.


.....till then, i think i got to live with it.

intrigued?

wahahahahaha....
you just have to click on this, do you dear?
as if you expect me to actually blog.
i can imagine the thoughts going through your mind,
thinking what would i write and all.
but technically, i am blogging..
more you reckon?