I am fustrated.
Ed* and Gabby* have issues and they just work them out and move on.
meanwhile i still find myself struggling to trust people around me.
and then what?
through blind dumb luck he gets everything just like that.
i dont want to begrudge him his good fortune, but shit just
comes so easy to him. he never has to work for anything.
and i try not to fault him for it. good for him.
but it just throws into contrast how little
ive got to show for my life.
Cunts!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
just when i think its all barred..
there is one thing, matter of fact its the only thing that im clinging on to my 'social network' has also been blocked by the servers of PRC and i have no full access to it.
Facebook has been the only thing that kept me 'close' to my family and friends but lately i can only view but not post/comment pictures and other people`s comment whatsoever. i cant even post up pictures, cant view friends, cant add friends, cant anything but only able to view through a proxy website which feels like reading a book without my glasses. or a better metaphor.. having virtual sex. you get the idea but thats all you get out of it.
..which leaves me high and dry. and im blogging thru a proxy server too, fyi. In mainland, i got no direct access to facebook (view only), blogs (lucky only need to view) and youtube (view also cannot coz the stupid java script shits).
Being in China is so bored and stressful with work at the same time. Luckily i just had the longest best 27 days this year, relaxing back in Malaysia last month. It was awesome, it was better than awesome, its fucking awesome. For once i hardly work, i wake up late, have brunch with friends and best of all, good food. I was pampered to the point where tears almost weep through my eyes. I had a 2 full page list of foods-to-eat and i cleared 95% of it, and some even doubled.
This trip, i managed to;
1 - attend my best friends wedding
2 - delivered my speech
3 - quality time with close ones
4 - ate all the good food i can think of
5 - catch up with close friends
6 - catch up with nieces and nephew in Singapore
7 - attend my sister`s wedding
8 - attend another 2 more old friends wedding
9 - play a good game of futsal
10 - just relax like how a holiday would actually feel like
11 - spring cleaned my klang house
12 - catch up with my Mum, my real mum
13 - get some personal issues done
14 - watched Transformers, in a cinema!
15 - watched Ice Age, in 3D, in a cinema, on a date, in Singapore, with a flu!
All this while, i cant find one good reason to go back to Malaysia ever again (after all the shits that has happened throughout my life) but after this trip, i just need to step back more and look at the bigger picture coz all i need is a few close friends to make a big difference.
Facebook has been the only thing that kept me 'close' to my family and friends but lately i can only view but not post/comment pictures and other people`s comment whatsoever. i cant even post up pictures, cant view friends, cant add friends, cant anything but only able to view through a proxy website which feels like reading a book without my glasses. or a better metaphor.. having virtual sex. you get the idea but thats all you get out of it.
..which leaves me high and dry. and im blogging thru a proxy server too, fyi. In mainland, i got no direct access to facebook (view only), blogs (lucky only need to view) and youtube (view also cannot coz the stupid java script shits).
Being in China is so bored and stressful with work at the same time. Luckily i just had the longest best 27 days this year, relaxing back in Malaysia last month. It was awesome, it was better than awesome, its fucking awesome. For once i hardly work, i wake up late, have brunch with friends and best of all, good food. I was pampered to the point where tears almost weep through my eyes. I had a 2 full page list of foods-to-eat and i cleared 95% of it, and some even doubled.
This trip, i managed to;
1 - attend my best friends wedding
2 - delivered my speech
3 - quality time with close ones
4 - ate all the good food i can think of
5 - catch up with close friends
6 - catch up with nieces and nephew in Singapore
7 - attend my sister`s wedding
8 - attend another 2 more old friends wedding
9 - play a good game of futsal
10 - just relax like how a holiday would actually feel like
11 - spring cleaned my klang house
12 - catch up with my Mum, my real mum
13 - get some personal issues done
14 - watched Transformers, in a cinema!
15 - watched Ice Age, in 3D, in a cinema, on a date, in Singapore, with a flu!
All this while, i cant find one good reason to go back to Malaysia ever again (after all the shits that has happened throughout my life) but after this trip, i just need to step back more and look at the bigger picture coz all i need is a few close friends to make a big difference.
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