Christmas Postponed

Last year, i was exchanging gifts but this year i am only exchanging emails, on Christmas Day. So, i think im just going to skip this year`s and celebrate it altogether next year. I am sitting in my cubicle and i dont know what to do and i think there is nothing much i can do, since its a festive season for all ang moh`s, which so happens to be on my sales territories that celebrates Christmas.. hence im writing this shit. Ah well... I guess this is going to be the last post for 2008, which turned out not to be a bad year after all.

this year, i....

.. quit cigarettes
.. managed to control my alcohol intakes
.. didn't gain weight at all, just like any other miserable years
.. kept my hair short all year long
.. tried going on dates, multiple
.. tried getting out of multiple dates

... i think i`ve done good. enough.

ATTENTION

pictures will be officially be posted on Facebook starting now.

12 hours from now...

she is flying back and we are going to have some 'sexy-time'.....

she can use my 'lens' for her 'camera'... if you know what i mean.
then together gether get 'flash'... if you know what i mean.
get into my 'mini' and take some 'pictures'... if you know what i mean.
pictures of 'machines'..in the 'workshop'... if you know what i mean.
all the 'grinding' and 'hammering' and 'welding'... if you know what i mean.
the outcome should be 'satisfiying'.. if you know what i mean.

'just when i think' moments...

its not fair when you cant deal with the fact that i can deal with the fact.

....and i meant every single word of it.

how does it feel like being a leftie..

The left side is often associated with awkwardness and clumsiness, besides faggot, no other leftie i know is clumsy. teehee..

In ancient China, the left has been the "bad" side. The adjective "left"means "improper". For instance, the phrase "left path" stands for illegal or immoral means. that explains why my grandma always hit me with a chopstick everytime i eat.


things i hate being a leftie..

paintball guns; the reason i didnt pick up this sport, it didnt feel rightwhen i rest the gun on my shoulder. plus, needing to wear the head gearwhich requires me to use contact lens to get my eye sight is a big 'NO'.

golf clubs; fugken swings. no matter how hard i try, it just feels weird taking the shot,and getting a left-handed set and stand on the opposite direction with everyone elsemakes it weird-er.
knife; if you cook a lot, you notice some bloody knife is for right-handed people. when you slice, it feels like you`re grinding through a block of rubber and the stuff willend up looking like minced meat rather than thin sliced.

mouse; computer was introduced back in the 90`s where i need to cross my hands to use thekeyboard and mouse coz the mouse cord is too short to pull over to my left hand, and if you noticed,all of the computer shop arranged the mouse on the right side and the pattern fits onto your right.initially, i wanted to make a difference but only to realised that there is no left handed mouse in the market back then.

scissors; pain in the arse. you all right handers try cutting using your left hand, or go buy aleft hand scissors and try cutting it with your right hand! fugkas...

writing; the worst of all muthafugkas.. since young, i used to waste a lot of books when i write cozi never fill it up fully in writing coz i need to leave a few space for my hand to rest down the bookto start writing coz the binding on the book always get into my way. if i dont, it will fug up my writing,making it look like a 3 year old trying real hard to write something. did cross my mind that if i lift my hands up a little, it might help but it ended up even worse, its like trying to write using my leg instead.and not to mention leaving the smeared smudge as you are writing, stamping your ink over the alreadywritten words, making it extremely difficult to read. and sometimes, as you are writing, you need to liftyour hand to recall what you have wrote to make sure your answer still relates to the question. lastly, ifyou`re a full time leftie, wearing a nice watch while writing is not a very good idea. trust me..

only put my right hand to good use when i wipe my ass with it..... ooooooooooooooooooo

randomly bored..

just when i think its just a chapter of my life..

whats next? that is the question that has been playing in my mind lately. my 5-year-plan is coming to an end and ive crossed out most of it but yet i feel hollow. should i plan for my next 5 years or stay low and go with the flow? they say life`s a challenge but who/what am i challenging at? myself? what the fug for? why the fug for? in the end of the day, i am the one, the only one that is going to judge. at this very moment, i am ideally a catch but there is no one catching. im like a dog chasing my own tail, running in circles.. so eager for that bite and once i get it, there is no satisfaction but to let it go and wonder how long is this has to go on.

i so want to find my true self but dont want to know once im there. what difference does it make anymore? how many 5 years more i got to plan? how many 5 years im going to have?

im in a stage where i dont know where i belong, an outcast, in my own world. i love Malaysia but i dont want to be stuck here forever. im in love with Melbourne but do i belong there in the first place? i want to go around the world but how long is it going to take me to settle down? i want to settle down, have kids, spend quality time with my other half, cook for them, see my kids grow up.

where? when? how? who?

who am i going to turn to when im at a crossroad? what am i going to do? who is going to give me advise? is my every decision right? what if im wrong? who is going to be there in the end of the day and tell me "i told you so"?

if i had one wish.. i would like to have lunch with my dad. just lunch. just once. i would trade everything i have for this.

just when i thought there is no one left for me to cry over for.. as much as i hate to say this, at times i want to be so wrong and have someone to turn to. i know lifes never fair but why the fuck shits always happen on me? i am already struggling to survive being alone. its not fair you left me just like that and let me bear it all this by myself.. how much more i got to give in order to get back in return?

ive learn almost every damm thing the hard way.. for one fugken time, just once... please.. let me have all this and i`d die happily. its good to be emotional and break down once in a while.

today`s special

celebrated halloween with my Nikon

woke up today and i feel like...

i want to give up my job and pick up cooking. Yes/No?

first shots

My New Love......

new place, new life, new lover....... ppffttt............

This is the main reason i was missing in action lately.

sun, sea, sand and kids.

Went to Cherating with the kids last weekend and it was tiring, but satisfying to handle 13 kids running around the beach and for the first time in my life, i let myself go completely and just have some fun and the weekend away from electronics, emails and facebook. i`d even leave my phone in the resort. but there was no breath-taking moments, its just what everyone else normally does. sit under the tree, dip in the water, beach soccer, ATV-ing and kayaking.

the kids mostly run around the beach and jump into the water once in a while. in order to improve their maths, i`d carry one by one into the water and give them questions where if they cant answer or answer wrongly, i`ll take a long dip into the water. then went beach-walking with the girls to collect some sea shells in the evenings. you know, all this while i know i liked kids but i didnt know i am good with them.

i think all the kids and volunteers shit in their pants when i went topless. the tattoo on the back was still okay but i think the one on my arm that freaked them. maybe that`s why they listened to me.

on the second night, we had barbeque by the beach and campfire accompanied with guitars, sing alongs and alcohol for the adults nonetheless. i loved it, the kids loved it. then i stayed back till dawn to see the sunrise, dazing away thinking and having those "what if.." moments which almost took my breath away when i was swinging on the hammock until i was ambushed by the little rascals and flipped my over from behind, slapping me back to reality where sand went in my mouth, ass and balls; exactly how reality feels like... itchy, uncomfortable and fustrated.

the 'bright' side.

i am a....

ambitious
argumentative
brilliant
broad-minded
businesslike
capable
careful
cautious
charming
cheerful
clear-thinking
clever
competitive
confident
conservative
considerate
consistent
cool
co-operative
determined
easygoing
efficient
emotional
energetic
fair-minded
far-sighted
firm
flexible
forgiving
frank
friendly
generous
gentle
helpful
honest
humorous
imaginative
independent
intellectual
intelligent
kind
light-hearted
likeable
logical
loyal
mature
mild
moderate
modest
motivated
natural
obliging
open-minded
opportunistic
optimistic
organised
original
outgoing
patient
pleasant
polite
practical
progressive
quick
rational
realistic
reflective
relaxed
reliable
resourceful
responsible
self-confident
self-controlled
sensible
sensitive
serious
sharp-witted
sincere
sociable
spontaneous
stable
steady
strong-minded
supportive
thoughtful
tolerant
tough
trustworthy
unassuming
understanding

...kind of person.